42 Thoughts I Had While Watching “The Dig”
I accidentally watched “The Dig” the other night. I loved it. This was my journey.
Under the false impression that it was going to be one of those films where they dig too far and there’s something in the dark, I recently watched “The Dig.” These were my thoughts. Mild spoilers for “The Dig,” I think.
1. What is this, an archaeology movie? I don’t need to watch an archaeology movie, unless they’re planning on finding a mummy that comes back to life.
2. If it turns out to be some old bones or wood from the past that they dig up and not a dormant skeleton army, I am going to be VERY DISAPPOINTED.
3. Also, why isn’t Emma Thompson in this movie? Did her agent fall in a well when they were handing out “The Dig” scripts?
4. Casting Swoony McSexy from “The English Patient” as a grizzled old farmer who was presumably unearthed in the last dig was a deliberate choice to make me feel old.
5. I do like his attitude though. He is like, “I know about all the different kinds of dirt because I am basically made of old British soil and that makes me the best at digging.”
6. Helena Bonham Carter fell in the same well as Emma Thompson’s agent. It’s all very sad.
7. This lady is very good though. She seems upset but, like, she’s not going to bother anyone about it.
8. Oh, good. She’s going to be friends with the grumpy shovelman. And there’s a whimsical boy. This will be an offbeat family comedy.
9. This is not an offbeat family comedy. There’s a war on.
10. Also now I am beginning to think it would be better if the lady talked to someone about her sadness.
11. Maybe the digging isn’t the point. Maybe it will be the friends they made along the way.
12. Oh, they’ve found an old trinket. The digging does matter.
13. Though on the other hand, there is a war on.
14. Now there are new characters! They all seem just a little bit sad as well.
15. Perhaps it’s because of this damn war that’s on.
16. And everybody’s just digging in the dirt trying to unearth the past before the future catches up with them.
17. I wonder who the villain will be. I’m beginning to think it will not be a mummy.
18. Or a skeleton army.
19. Still a remote chance they’ll find Helena Bonham Carter if they dig far enough.
20. Oh, it’s Anglo Saxons!
21. Maybe it will be, like, the vengeful ghost of Beowulf?
22. No. This movie isn’t about Beowulf at all. Or even Hrothgar.
23. It’s about repressed-ass Remains of the Day types finding kindness deep within themselves!!!
24. Yes!!! I love that stuff.
25. These sad people have a goddamn vocation.
26. A connection across class lines from a shared passion!
27. The fleeting bond they make over something bigger than themselves will shine brighter than the aching sadness that is stifling them!!
28. “Would you have dinner with me?” “Thank you. Yes.” That’s how Brits say, “My heart’s about to fucking burst.”
29. I PUSHED MY SADNESS SO FAR DOWN THAT IT’S GIVING ME AN ULCER AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY STIFF UPPER LIP.
30. Hey, the butler from “Remains of the Day” called. He wants his smothered fury about the violence wrought upon the needs of the private self by the demands of the public self that you can only see in the downward cast of his mournful eyes back.
31. He wants to speak to everybody in this film.
32. Dammit, behave yourselves, everyone. There’s a war on.
33. Maybe all this digging is good for them and instead of an old ship or whatever they’re going to find a way to season the bitter savor of despair with the sweet fennel of companionship.
34. Or maybe they awaken some ancient evil in the bowels of the earth and it hunts them?
35. “They delved too greedily and too deep, and disturbed that from which they fled,” except instead of Durin’s folk it’s these guys, and instead of the Balrog it’s their fucking feelings.
36. Burying your feelings is a damn sight easier than burying a freaking giant boat (is at least partially what this movie is about).
37. If you watched this movie in reverse, it would be about some people who bury a ship and get no fucking credit for it, which is almost what happened to the Anglo Saxons, when you think about it.
38. The thing I like best about this film is that everybody’s reaction to anything that happens is just to shake hands and keep it to themselves.
39. “Let’s just shake hands and keep it to ourselves” could be the British national motto.
40. To be fair, there is a war on.
41. I love this movie. It’s better than all the Tomb Raiders put together and they did it all with just pregnant silences.
42. Next I am going to watch “Howard’s End.” I wonder how Howard will meet his end. Maybe a mummy?
